I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
