Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
