I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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