Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
