I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
