You smell like a Billy Joel song
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
