Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
