It's like a parade of train wrecks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
