Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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