after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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