Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
