The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
