But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
