I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize