Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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