my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
