I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
