Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
