I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
