he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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