Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize