I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
