it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
