Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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