i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
