I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
