she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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