in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize