i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
