I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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