before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize