Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You took a bar mat shot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
