Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
