Pants 0. Shit 1.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
