jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dick very happy bro
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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