I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
