I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
