she takes plan B like it's going out of style
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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