I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
