For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
