You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
