Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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