Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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