You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are the jesus of drinking
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
