my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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