Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We left the knife in your bed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
