the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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