that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
ttyl tear gas
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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