With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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