Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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