honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When did angry sex become our thing?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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