Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize