remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
