the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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