Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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