I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
