ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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