I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
