So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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