Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize