i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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