Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
