The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
