Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
