He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
