yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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