i think my tv is drunk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
