Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Life is so much better after having sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
