i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
