If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
