from now on my penis is your penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
