He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We are all done wearing pants today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
