Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
