I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
