there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
