I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
