i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
