Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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