Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
