ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
