then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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