Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
