I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
