some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize