sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
