You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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