i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All the doctor said was why
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
