what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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