Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize