MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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