I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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