I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
