2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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