Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
