Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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