I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
