Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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