i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
