I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
