My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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