i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
