Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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