How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
