it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
foreskin is a definite game changer
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
