My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
