I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
