I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she peed on how many people?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
