shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
