I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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