i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
