I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
