Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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