I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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