also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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