Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Randomize
