I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
