True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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