I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
